Criminal Magic
by Jade Oneill
Summary: Meriln in interigation? Vulcans and Q's? Yep it is so totally a crack fic.


**Author's Note: **Yeah, I know I have a story I should be working on, but I have been unispired as of late. Hopefully I will get back to it.

This is a one shot crack fic that I wrote with my sister, who is obsessed with Crimnal Minds and Merlin. I jsut started to watch Criminal Minds some, but anyway here what we came up with one day or more than one day when boredom struck.

Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, but remeber it is really just nonsense anyway.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own any of it, and surprisingly I'm okay with that.

* * *

"I don't think wizard fits the profile," Hotch said looking skeptically at the overly bubbly blond and even more worriedly at the smartest person on their team.

"But everything points to wizardy!" Reid protested, voice rising sharply as he defended his theory. Penelope nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

"You have got to be kidding me," Morgan said. "You really beleive in that hocus pocus crap, kid?"

"There is proof that supports the idea in the supernatural. For instance the unexplained bumps in the night that are never identified," Reid explained in his school teacher voice.

"Reid has a point. I've tracked several sites that are dedicated to things of this nature," Penelope.

"You too Baby Girl," Morgan turned to look at bubbly blonde he secretly loves.

"How can you not believe in them?" Penelope asked looking at Morgan like he was the crazy one. "Have you not seen Supernatural?"

"Supernatural," tall, dark, and dreamy asked skeptically.

"It's a TV show about these two brothers," Reid began.

Two extremely sexy brothers," Penelope interupted.

"These two brothers that hunt everything thats even remotely considered supernatural, like vampires and werewolves and ghosts and demon. Oh and a wendigo."

"A wendigo," Emily spoke for the first time.

"Yeah, it's this creature that- " the white and nerdy one began to excitedly explain.

"Okay," Rossi cut in before Reid could really get going, "I think now would be a good time to get back to the case. We can debate the exsistence of the supernatural at another time. Preferably a time when I'm not here to listen to it."

"Right, I think we should get back to our suspects now," JJ said looking at the two figures in the interrigation room, "Now we have one blond and buff and one that makes Reid look fat. I just havn't figured out who's stupider."

"What do you say we find out," Rossi asked looking at Hotch. Hotch nodded and then the two of them entered the interrigation room.

"I demand to know why you have brought me here!" The blond one said in a rather pompous sounding British accent.

"Arthur calm down," the pole with blue eyes said then turned to look at the officers, "I assure you there has been some kind of misunderstanding here."

"I would think so," the millionare fed said in agreement. "Especially considering you claim to be King Arthur and his pet wizard Merlin."

"I am not his pet!" Merlin shouted angrily.

"No definitely not," Arthur said.

"Thank you," Merlin gave Arthur a gratefull look.

"I like my dogs much more than Merlin here."

Merlin turned a murderous glare on his fair-haired companion, "Moving on. You should be looking for his half sister. She's been in hiding since Arthur here was able to reclaim his throne with the help of your's truly. . . Again."

"Your half sister?" Hotch asked Arthur.

"Yes, Morgana," Arthur replied. "Because of a series of unfortunate events she turned rather evil and now wants me dead and Camelot for herself."

"Oh so now we're dealing with Morgan Le Fey too," Rossi said sceptically.

"Well as far as we know she only goes by Morgana, but yes we're dealing with her," Merlin answered.

"This is the best case ever," Reid exclaimed excitedly looking at the excintrically dressed tech.

"I agree, best ever," she replied eying the pompous blond like he was a piece of white chocolate.

Hotch whipped around to stare menacingly at the two younger agents. "What are you doing in here?" He demanded.

"And why didn't we hear the door open?" Rossi asked.

"Oh as soon as I found out who we had in custody I had my chocolate adonis wd40 the door so I could sneak in." Peneolpe answered Rossi while completly ingoring the murderous glare Hotch was still giving her.

"And he willingly did that," Rossi asked in disbelief.

"Of course," she shrugged it off as though it were nothing.

"You know I always thought King Aurtur would be taller and less whiney. And I figured Merlin to be much smarter, more along the lines of my intelligence," Reid stared at the two on the other side of the table.

Arthur sat for a moment pouting before launching into a whiney attack on Reid. "I am plently tall thank you very much and I do not whine." He paused for a moment and then continued. "As for Merlin, you're right he is an idiot.

"Hey," Merlin said in protest. "I'm smart." He looked at Reid. "Besides how smart are you supposed to be? Because you don't seem to be any smarter than anyone I've ever met."

"Smarer than you obviously," Reid replied, " I'm not the one being held for questioning."

"For something that we didn't do," Merlin said.

"That remains to be seen," Hotch said now turning his menacing look on the two supposed historical figures. The King and the Sorcerer cowered at the look the more stoic than a vulcan agent was giving them.

Once they were able to get the bubbly blond and the genius to leave, the two okder men were able to proceed. After a half hour of the this pointless round and round and back forth of nothing but what Hotch concluded to be delusions on quite a grand scale, they decided to take a break from the interigation.

"Is it just me or did that feel like a complete waste of time," Rossi questioned rubbing his forehead.

"Hmm," Hotch began, "I would have to agree. That is the worst case of a delusional personality I've ever seen."

"I dont know," Rossi said, "there was that professor or whatever who thought he was the Hulk."

"Hey don't forget about Thor," Garcia quickly added, "Now he is one fine specimen of manly perfection."

"I prefer Captain America," Emily said. Penelope nodded enthusiastically. Everyone else just looked at her like she was crazy. "What," she said in defense, "he's hot."

"I personally have always liked the Green Lantern," JJ added now recieving her own weird looks from Hotch and Rossi, "There's just something about that body hugging green suit that I love."

"Now if we're talking about hotness I gotta say I'd be ok if the Invisible woman showed up in her tight outfit." Morgan added.

"Black Widow," Reid interjected.

"Kid, that woman could kick your a-"

"Could we please get back on topic," Hotch, who's normally so calm, practically shouted.

"Please," Rossi said in agreement.

"Okay, but aren't we still at at square one," Morgan spoke, "I mean we got these two nut jobs in there and we still don't know anything other than the fact that they are crazy."

"And hot, well at least the one is," Garcia added, "the other one not so much."

"The statistic of two equally delusional unsubs working together, well the odds are astonomical." The smart braniac said.

"Have you noticed that the odds are always astronimical," a pompous British voice commented surprising all of the BAU team.

"What the heck," Morgan exclaimed. "How did the two of you get out? That's a locked door."

"Really," Merlin said, "I hadn't noticed."

"What part of he's Merlin the Wizard don't you people understand," Arthur stated sounding even more stuck up than before.

"That's what we've been trying to tell them," Reid said motioning between him and Penelope.

"That's it," Merlin suddenly yelled. Arthur actually jumped because he had not been expecting the outburst from his manservant/friend.

"What's it?" JJ questioned cautiously.

"I have magic!" Merlin now looked extremely excited.

"And here we go again," Rossi muttered, while Hotch raised one Vulcan like eyebrow.

"And what do you plan to do with this 'magic' of yours?" Morgan asked rather sarcastically.

"I plan to return me and the prat here to Camelot," Merlin answered.

"But what about Morgana?" Penelope asked looking slightly worried at the thought of the evil witch.

"You shouldn't worry about her," Arthur said sounding reassuring and smug all at the same time. "She'll most likely follow us back. We are, after all, the ones she wants to kill."

"That and we don't even know if she actually followed us to the future," Merlin added. "For all we know she could have stayed behind and taken Camelot over again in our absence."

"Oh, for the love of Camelot, I hope not," Arthur whined, "It was hard enough to take the throne back the last time."

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Reid offered assuringly.

"Yes," Rossi said, his voice dropping into a comforting tone, "Everything is going to be fine. The two if you can return to Camelot and its nice white padded walls."

"Padded walls?" Arthur said, his face scewing up into a rather comical looking confused expression. "Last I checked Camelot's walls are made of stone."

Merlin nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and stone is not very padded."

"Yes, yes, yes!" Hotch randomly started shouting. "My team just won, ok guys so what have we just been discussing?" He asked as he took his bluetooth out of his ear.

Everone in the room turned to stare at Hotch identical looks of confusion on their faces.

"Hotch, what the heck, man?" The chocolate God of Thunder asked his normally stoic boss.

"Hmm, what?" Hotch asked distractedly.

"Have you not been paying attention this whole time?" Emily asked in surprise.

Before anything else was said the room was filled with black smoke. When the smoke cleared a beautiful woman stood before the group wearing a ragged black gown. Her menacing green gaze was fixed on the blond idiot that beleived he was a king.

"Ha!" The mystery woman shouted. "I've got you now, dear brother." She made sure to practically spit the last word out in contempt.

"And that is our cue to leave," Merlin said. He then placed his hand on Arthur's shoulder, his eyes flared a brilliant gold, and then he and Arthur disappeared in yet another cloud of unecessary smoke.

"Drat, they got away," the woman said her shoulders slumping slightly in disappointment.

"Um, who are you?" Reid asked.

"I am the last High Priestess of the Old Religion," the woman declared.

"You're the what?" Morgan asked.

"Oh, I don't have time for this," the woman said glaring rather darkly at Morgan for no reason. "I must return to Camelot before my idiot of a brother messes everything up again." She prepared to wave her hand in a dramatic fashion in order to perform the magic required. More smoke began to fill the room, but just before she disappeared she winked suggestively at Reid. She did, after all, have a strange liking for pale skinned, rather skinny guys with messy hair. The smoke cleared once again and the woman was gone.

"I think she just winked me," Reid observed.

"Remeber what I said the Black Widow would do to you," Morgan asked looking at the skinny man.

"Yes," said anorexic one questioned.

"Well she woukd also kick your a.."

"Aren't there reports to be done," Hotch asked cutting Morgan off again.

"You know, it was so cool when Merlin's eyes flashed that gold color," Penelope gushed.

"It was kind of a bright gold too," Emily said in agreement.

"Yeah, that was the brightest thing about both of them," JJ added. The three of them then headed out of the room to get back to some actual work. Morgan and Reid followed them.

"Well, that was. . . Interesting," Rossi said as he also headed for thr door.

Hotch raised his vulcan eyebrow and one artifically rounded ear twitched. "Indeed."

Then his attention was drawn back to his bluetooth earpiece. "The next game's about to begin? Good. Put me down for 50 large."

"Hey," Rossi said poking his head back in the door, "if you put me down for 50 large too I can make sure our team wins." He smirked and then snapped his fingers disappearing from sight without smoke.


End file.
